I can’t… We have a Birthday Party to go to!

When I was a kid, I used to LOVE going to Birthday Parties!   Roller Skating, Pool Parties, Carnivals, Petting Zoos, Bowling, Movies and Magicians were the best!  And OH MAN…  That special day when everyone showed up to your party and you got to be the center of attention!

When my first kid was born, we were scavenging to invite kids that we knew.  Adults were not a problem.  Throw in a little booze and some decent Italian food and you have an instant party (with the added benefit of some sort of entertainment for the 7-8 kids).  Two years later, and my second son was born.  By the time his 1st birthday rolled around, he had his own group of friends and the older one had a group of friends from School now as well.  Of course we had to add them ALL.

Two years later again and now I want to kill the S.O.B. who created the concept of a Birthday Party!  Our parties have grown to 30-40 kids each.  We’re trying to figure out who we can exclude. I’m trying to figure out how to piss people off so they won’t come.  Not to mention, how do you save a few pennies on these damn Party Favors that we should just mail directly into our guests trashcans?

THAT’s not the worst of it!!  With one kid born in August and the other born in October…  WE HAVE FOUR TOTAL GROUPS OF PEOPLE WE HAVE TO INVITE…  SOME OF WHOM WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET YET!  That’s right!!  For August, we have to send out invites in June (a.k.a. Camp Beginning).  Therefore, we have the NEW group of campers that we don’t know, and the old group of School friends who we won’t see for another 3 months.  For October, we need to send out in August, so SCHOOL hasn’t started yet and we don’t even know if he’s going to be friends with ANYONE in his new class!

That’s exhausting but again…  NOT the worst of it!!  You see, now every one of those little sh*ts that we were forced to invite will have their OWN Birthday that we have to attend.  Kill. Me. Now.

So the shuffle begins…  Between Soccer, Baseball and Gymnastics already on weekends, you take #1 one to this sport and that party, I’ll take #2 to this party and that sport OR we skip this sport this week (which we paid for) for #2 and that party and next week we’ll both go to this sport and that party, BUT WAIT…  Both kids were invited to this party but we’re supposed to be away that weekend…….  Sound at all familiar?

Oh yea…  Let’s not forget that we need to buy presents for every single one of these kids…  How much did they spend on our gift?  What if we go first?  If it’s twins, do we bring gifts for both?  They are doing a joint party for their two kids since their birthdays are around the same time (GREAT MOVE BTW…  You save money but I have to stress out about whether or not I need to ALSO get something small for your other brat)!

Hail to the unsung hero’s of this world.  Moms and Dads with multiple kids who comfortably balance their weekends with Birthday Parties, Sporting Events and still finding time to treat themselves to some alone time!


So now we come to the crux of it.  Unless you are going to be at one of these parties, I’m probably not going to be able to see you anymore.  No more BBQ’s in the Summer, no more Sledding or Building Snowmen with our kids together in the Winter.  No I can’t go golfing with you (even at the ungodly weekend hour of 5am).  No, we can’t go watch the football game on Sunday.

I’m sorry.  I can’t be your friend anymore.  I have a birthday party to go to!


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